So, it was a cold wintry day at the office and I was minding my business like I always do. Typing a document and secretly showing off my typing skills by making loud clicky sounds while making loads of mistakes. Since no one was actually reading what I was typing, I just went on with it feeling like Flash the superhero.
Anna, a colleague of mine walked into the office and slammed the door really hard in a bid to announce her appearance. I didn’t bother turning around to see who it was as it has always been her way. Her majesty the Queen was in the building. She walked past me to her seat, sat down and said “OMG! You won’t believe what happened to me yesterday”.
I slowly turned my chair around, crossed my legs, laid my hand calming on my laps and got ready for the ‘Ultimate Gist’. I love stories. As a lawyer, I have had the privilege of listening to all sorts of stories; the awesome, good, bad and damn right stupid ones. The fact that she started with ‘OMG’, I was hooked. To be honest, I can’t remember what the story was about anymore.
Anyways, Anna started her story and it was really goooodddd… I gave her 110% attention. My other two colleagues who were pretending to work, couldn’t take it any longer and both turned their chairs cos it gist was that good. The concentration we were giving Anna was so intense you could cut it with a knife. Halfway into the story, Anna saw a friend of hers, stood up and left the room to have a chat with this friend. First of all, she didn’t excuse herself neither did she give a specific time when she would return to finish the story. Like seriously? Who stops an awesome story halfway? I was “flabberwhelmed” and “overghasted”.
My colleagues and I just gave ourselves the look of “shey baby yi wa alright” (is this girl ok?). I uncrossed my legs, crossed it back again several times while pondering on her abrupt leave. How could she do thiat to me? What could be more important than the end of the story; the grand finale? I felt insulted in so many ways. Did she realise that I was in the zone feeling like a superhero few minutes ago and I left that for her story? Who is the person she’s talking to sef? I wanted to go there, interrupt their discussion and possibly cause a scene.
Then I remembered a clip of a Nollywood Yoruba movie I watched, where a woman trying to defend her niece said: “I wee disgrace it, I wee disgrace her, I wee disgrace them, incooding masef”. I was ready to disgrace myself for my right to know the end of the story. The nerve!!!
Although, we all knew the end of the story, my colleagues took it upon themselves to discuss it and put an end to the story. Imgaine! How dare they? It wasn’t their story to tell. I wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth. While looking up through my glasses, I kept giving them the look of “Shhhhh… who asked you? Stop that!” They paid no attention to me and just kept making up a possible almost perfect ending to the story. Aaarrggghhh….
At this point I was ready to disgrace myself and bara je but, Anna came back into the room just in time to preserve my sanity. She sat down like nothing happened and proceeded to finish the story from where she stopped but, the Sheldon Cooper in me interrupted her saying “Nooooooo…. Start over!”